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finding a purpose

My mom has continuously told me that God gives the stronger ones the toughest battles. . .

I did NOT agree with her at all. (Do NOT tell her, but she was right!) Being in the denial phase of my journey I couldn’t understand whatsoever WHY I had to be the strong one to go through this battle? The infamous “WHY ME?” repeated over and over in my head every single day. ​

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Holland, MI

Weekend getaway to one of my favorite places Holland, Michigan in 2017.I had to keep telling myself that IT could be worse. It could be a physical, life threatening disease. Not going to lie, it felt like it though. It felt like there should be something physically wrong with me, but there wasn’t. Mentally, I was at rock bottom. Depression set in followed by overwhelming anxiety. But I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) show people what I was truly going through. My daughters were/are constantly watching me, my students/players relied on me and my family needs me. ​

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My parents and I after the Quarry Ridge Sprint Triathlon

My parents and I at one of my triathlons. They are always there.I still have to wake up every damn day and put on my game face and battle the day along with the inner demons. WHY? There was no other choice. I can’t just crawl into a hole and hide from the world as much as I wanted to though. I had to make a decision. . .

​Either I allow it to define me OR I will define it!

I am extremely blessed to be married to a man that loves me unconditionally and still believes I am beautiful with or without hair. (That should have been apart of our vows!!! “Do you take this woman with or without hair?). I am extremely blessed to have parents who have been by my side every minute of my life, have been a shoulder to cry on countless times not just throughout my life, but this very difficult journey. I truly have THE best parents who I call my best friends. Their strength has given me my strength to face this battle head on.

The first two years were very difficult. I didn’t talk much about the battles I was facing, my inner demons or how much it was truly affecting me. I hid underneath my wigs and hats. I rarely took any pictures with anyone, especially my daughters, and if I did I never liked what I saw so I would never post it.

Then something clicked. . .

I can’t pinpoint exactly when or what it was, but instead of having 5 or 6 terrible days a week it turned into 2 to 3 bad days to just minutes of a day.

I started to feel comfortable in my own skin and “accepting” my loss.

I FOUND MY PURPOSE.

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A new Jon Renau wig!

Feeling extremely confident after having my eyebrows microbladed for the first time by the amazing @aloriaskincare!I found why God chose me as the strong one. My mom was right!

​I am here to tell my story. My battles. My journey.

I am here to tell my story for others to understand that we are ALL going through our own battles and regardless if they are big or small we MUST support one another unconditionally. We need to remember that even though some may not understand or are not going through what YOU are going through, they ARE going through something.

I hope to inspire others to dig deep and find the strength they don’t believe they have. IT IS THERE, I promise. Sometimes it takes longer than others to find it. YOU are SO much stronger than you ever give yourself credit for.

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Holland, MI

YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH to face ANYTHING!

Never did I imagine I would ever say that Alopecia has been a blessing in disguise, but it has. It has opened up my eyes to so much more that is around me. It has allowed me to view others with such a bigger heart, compassion and empathy.

Now, would I be mad if my hair grew back tomorrow? Absolutely not.

Alopecia has brought on depression and anxiety, heartache and pain but has also blessed me with a purpose in life.

“Without rain, there would be no rainbow, ” right? I am just “trying to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.” – Maya Angelou

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